The Bonds of Love
by WinterSky101
Summary: Every time Jack dies, he sees Ianto. And every time, it gets harder and harder for him to force himself to come back to life. Jack/Ianto. References to Doctor Who 4.17-18 (The End of Time).


**I'm sorry I just get really emotional over Jack and Ianto sometimes and I have to write fics. This one is sort of a crossover with Doctor Who, but not really. It does involve the Tenth Doctor, though, in one scene right before The End of Time and another right before his regeneration.**

**Warnings for quite a few references to suicide (including one time that Jack does (temporarily) kill himself), lots of references to Ianto's death (that's basically the whole point of the fic), and some temporary character death on Jack's part. This fic is very bittersweet and has an ambiguous ending that I'm not promising will make you feel better about it as a whole, so keep that in mind before continuing to read. If you do continue, I hope you enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Torchwood.**

* * *

"Well, you still look the same as ever."

Jack's heart stopped. "Ianto?" he whispered, his voice choking up. The figure in front of him smiled.

"Hello, Jack."

"Ianto. Oh God, Ianto." Jack could feel tears welling up in his eyes. "But you're… you're…"

"Dead?" Ianto asked in far too nonchalant a voice. "So are you."

"Oh. Right." Only then did Jack remember. Single gunshot wound to the head. Self-inflicted. He had known it wouldn't kill him, but he had thought - hoped - it might dull the pain a bit. "So I'm in limbo?"

"Yes," Ianto replied. "I've been waiting for you to die again, so I could see you."

"You've been here all along?" Jack was going to cry. "But this place, this limbo…" Jack probably hated limbo more than anything else. It was a horrible place, a horrible state of being that wasn't even really being. Ianto shrugged.

"It's not the best, but I make do."

"Why don't you leave?" Jack asked desperately. "You can move on! There has to be something else here, something past this!"

"There is," Ianto assured. "But if I go there, I'll never see you again."

"Ianto, no. You have to move on. You have to!"

"I can't," Ianto replied with a sad smile. "I'll never see you if I do."

"Don't worry about that! Just move on! Come on, Ianto, that's an order."

"You're not my boss anymore," Ianto replied with a hint of a smirk. "You can't order me about."

"Please, Ianto." Jack reached forward and clasped Ianto's hands. Despite the fact that he was dead, his hands felt as warm as they always had.

"Jack, we don't have long," Ianto said, looking down at their joined hands. "If you want to yell at me the whole time, you can, but I was hoping we could talk about something else."

"Okay." Jack didn't want to drop it, but Ianto was right. They didn't have long before Jack came back to life. A thought occurred to him.

"Ianto, do you see people when they…pass on? They go through limbo, right? Do you see them?"

"A lot of them," Ianto replied. "I'm sort of like the unofficial gatekeeper, I suppose."

"Did you see a little boy named Steven?" It was a longshot, but Jack couldn't help it. Ianto thought for a moment.

"Oh! Yes, I saw him." Jack felt a rush of some emotion flow through him. He wasn't sure if it was relief or guilt. "He passed on. Why?"

"He was my grandson," Jack whispered. He didn't mention that he was the one that killed him.

"I'm sorry," Ianto told him in a soothing voice.

"I am too," Jack whispered back. It was a bit of a strange thing to say, he knew, but he didn't care.

Suddenly, Ianto's body started getting a bit fuzzy around the edges, and the image started to become a bit see-through. "Ianto?" Jack asked desperately. "Ianto, what's going on?"

"You're coming back to life," Ianto told Jack in too calm a voice. "I'll see you again next time, yeah? But don't you dare rush it."

"I won't, I promise." Ianto was almost indistinguishable from the blackness. "I love you."

"I love you too," Ianto replied, then Jack was being dragged over jagged glass into awareness. He gasped back to life, jerking upright. He was exactly where he had been when he had shot himself. A quick look at his clock told him it had been about five minutes.

Jack looked at the revolver on the ground next to him. He picked it up, weighing his options for a moment. There were still more bullets in it. But…

_"Don't you dare rush it."_

_"I won't, I promise."_

Jack put the gun back down.

* * *

Jack couldn't handle it anymore. He had died once since the first time he saw Ianto, and seeing him again had been even more bittersweet. He had been reckless, more so than he probably should have been, especially given how painful death and rebirth was. But Ianto was there, would be there until Jack found out a way to die for good, and Jack couldn't just _leave_ him. He had to figure out something.

Jack looked down at his psychic paper. He hadn't used it for a long time. Being a member of Torchwood had been all the authorization he needed, and the paper had been unnecessary. But he knew he could use it to send a message to someone else with psychic paper, someone like the Doctor. Considering the Doctor had caused Jack's whole immortal mess in the first place, Jack thought it was his place to help fix it.

_Doctor,_ Jack wrote slowly and deliberately on the psychic paper. _I need your help._ He closed his eyes, concentrating hard on the message and picturing the Doctor in his mind. "Come on," he whispered when nothing happened. "Doc, please."

The sound of the TARDIS was probably the most beautiful sound in the world.

"Hello, Jack," the Doctor said as he stepped out. Jack had seen him not very long ago (or, at least, it hadn't been very long for him), but the Doctor looked ages older than he had then. To be fair, Jack looked like shit too.

"Doctor." Jack's voice was half a gasp, half a greeting. "I need your help."

"I got that much from the psychic paper," the Doctor replied wryly, flipping the paper open to show the message written inside in Jack's most careful handwriting. "What's wrong?"

"Everything," Jack replied, falling back into his chair. The Doctor frowned, sitting on the desk.

"What happened to your little team?"

Jack reached out and grabbed the whiskey on his desk, pouring himself a glass. "Gwen's pregnant. She and Rhys went off somewhere and now they're living in hiding."

"And the other one?" the Doctor asked cautiously.

Jack downed his whiskey. "Ianto's dead," he said harshly. The Doctor winced in sympathy.

"I'm sorry."

"Damn aliens killed him," Jack swore, pouring another glass of whiskey and gulping it down. He offered a glass to the Doctor, who shook his head.

"What happened?" the Doctor asked softly.

"The 456. Aliens that communicated with a radio frequency. We pissed them off. They killed Ianto. I killed them."

"I heard about that," the Doctor mentioned. "They wanted ten percent of the world's children, didn't they?"

"I told them it wasn't happening. They flooded the room with poison gas. Ianto was there with me. I came back. He didn't." Jack's description was short and succinct. He drank another glass of whiskey. The Doctor gave him a look, but Jack didn't care. It wasn't as though he could die of alcohol poisoning, not permanently. And if he did, he'd be able to see Ianto, so it seemed like a win-win to Jack. He doubted the Doctor would see it like that.

"I'm sorry," the Doctor whispered.

"Can you go back and fix it?" Jack asked, even though he was pretty sure he knew the answer.

"No. I'm sorry." The Doctor truly looked apologetic. "It's a fixed point in time. I can't do anything."

"I thought as much," Jack replied. "But that's not why I called you."

"Then why did you call me?" the Doctor asked.

"I need you to kill me," Jack replied bluntly. "Figure out a way to do it and make it stick."

"Jack!"

"I'm serious, Doc," Jack added. "I'm done with this. I just want to rest."

"I'm not going to kill you, Jack," the Doctor told him firmly.

"Why not?" Jack asked bitterly. "You've never seemed to be able to get rid of me fast enough before."

"I just had to say goodbye to Rose," the Doctor retorted. "Again. And I had to wipe Donna's mind to keep her head from exploding. I tried to change a fixed point in time and only made it worse. I've been told I'm going to die soon. Don't ask me to kill you on top of all that."

"You owe me!" Jack snapped, forcing anger that he didn't really feel. "You're the reason I can't die. If not for you, I wouldn't have ever been in this situation!"

"If not for your immortality, you'd never have met Ianto either," the Doctor replied diplomatically. Jack gave him a dirty look. "Anyway, I only kill when I have to, and even then, I don't like doing it."

"I killed a kid," Jack blurted out. The Doctor looked shocked. "My own grandson. Steven. His mom - my daughter… She was screaming for me to stop, but I didn't. I used him to destroy the 456 and it killed him."

"Why are you telling me this?" the Doctor asked in a haunted tone. Jack laughed bitterly.

"You only kill when you have to. Look at what I've done. If I kill anyone else, it'll be on your conscience because you didn't stop me when you had the chance."

"Jack…"

"You have to," Jack insisted, his voice almost tearful. "I'm done. I don't want to go through this anymore."

"Jack, the fact that you're this upset about what happened means that you don't deserve to die," the Doctor said softly. "I won't kill you."

"If you won't kill me to stop me, then do it out of mercy," Jack begged. "I want this. You made me immortal. Now fix it and let me die."

"Jack…" the Doctor protested. "I don't even know where to start looking."

"But if you find anything, will you tell me?" Jack asked. The Doctor studied him for a moment.

"You're really serious?"

"I really am."

The Doctor sighed. "I'll see what I can do."

* * *

The next time Jack died, Ianto wasn't there. For a moment, Jack was relieved - had he moved on? - then Ianto came running over.

"Jack!" he called, embracing Jack tightly. "Sorry. I was helping guide a soul pass on."

"But you still won't do it yourself," Jack added. Ianto sighed.

"Jack, we've talked about this." Jack sighed.

"What if I could go with you?" he asked. Ianto gave him a suspicious look. "Let's try and go together."

"I'm not an idiot," Ianto replied disdainfully. "I know you're going to try and trick me into moving on without you."

Jack hadn't thought of that. He wished he had. "I'll try first," he offered. He stepped forward, right in front of the jump.

"Do you think it'll work?" Ianto asked. Jack shrugged.

"I don't know. Let's hope for the best." Jack took a deep breath and stepped forward.

For a moment, he thought it had worked. Then there was a violent burst of light and Jack went flying backwards. He flew right past Ianto in limbo and was hurled back into life.

Well, so much for that.

Jack had been in the middle of a fight, so he died again not long after he came back to life. "Jack, again?" Ianto asked, raising an eyebrow. "Really?"

"I'm fighting in a pretty big battle!" Jack defended. "I'm working with UNIT on this. Martha misses you, by the way."

"Give her my love," Ianto replied. "So, what happened last time?"

"I guess I can't move on," Jack replied simply. "Seems someone over there really doesn't want me." Ianto looked upset.

"I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?" Jack demanded. "I was going to apologize to you!" Ianto frowned.

"Why?"

"Because you can't move on because of me," Jack replied. Ianto smiled softly.

"It's alright. I don't actually mind limbo too much. I get to help people." Jack almost sobbed. It was so like Ianto to say that. "It kind of reminds me of working at the front desk at the Hub," Ianto added. "I can direct people to where they need to go."

"You need to go there too," Jack added. Ianto shook his head.

"Not without you." Jack wanted to answer, but before he could, he was dragged back into life. Martha was standing over him, looking exhausted but relieved.

"We won," she told him. Jack grinned, but he was just going through the motions. There was no emotion behind the expression.

After all, while UNIT might have won, he lost.

* * *

A year passed. A whole year, and Jack heard nothing from the Doctor. It was infuriating. If the Doctor hadn't found anything, he could have at least had the decency to _tell_ Jack that he had found nothing. Jack died many times through the year, more than he normally would have (which Ianto picked up on and scolded him for). Nothing changed in limbo; Ianto remained there and Jack remained unable to move on.

Then, one early morning, everything changed. Jack awoke to the sound of the TARDIS. He was instantly awake and yanked on a pair of pants as the Doctor stepped out into his room. "About time," Jack muttered. The Doctor looked around Jack's room, which was admittedly a mess. His gaze lingered on the pile of empty bottles in the corner, and when the Doctor looked back at Jack, it was with clear disapproval in his eyes.

"Have you figured it out?" Jack demanded. The Doctor sighed. "Have you?"

"Maybe," the Doctor replied. Jack blinked rapidly. "Just maybe. No guarantees."

"Tell me," Jack demanded. The Doctor paused. "Doctor," Jack whispered, begging. The Doctor sighed.

"Are you sure? If this is just about your Ianto-"

"Is that why you waited a year?" Jack accused. "You wanted to make sure I was certain about this? Well, I am. It's not just about Ianto. I've wanted to die for years, Doctor. Help me do it."

The Doctor sighed. "Rose made you immortal by using the power of the Heart of the TARDIS. That might be able to kill you as well."

Jack sat down on his bed, eyes wide. "How?" he asked, his voice choked. The Doctor sighed.

"The Heart of the TARDIS is slightly psychic. I think, if I open it up and you look into it, it may understand what you want and take back its power. Assuming it can, that is."

"Let's do it," Jack stated, jerking upright.

"Now?" the Doctor asked, looking slightly startled. Jack nodded.

"If I let you run away again, who knows when you'll come back?"

"I am sorry," the Doctor replied. "I just didn't want you to do something rash."

"This isn't rash. Please, Doctor." Jack's voice hitched in the middle of the plea. The Doctor sighed.

"Come on in," he told Jack, his voice full of unimaginable sadness. Jack followed him into the TARDIS. He felt a little guilty, but that was obviously what the Doctor was aiming for. Jack would never forget that he was a master of manipulation when he wanted to be.

"So how is this going to happen?" Jack asked. The Doctor sighed.

"The Heart of the TARDIS will open. You have to think about what you want."

"I want whatever it did reversed," Jack stated. The Doctor nodded.

"Then, if it can, and if it feels like it, the Heart of the TARDIS may help you."

"Open it," Jack requested softly. "Please."

The Doctor sighed. "Are you completely sure?" he asked. "This is irreversible, you know."

"I know. But this way, we'll go out together." The Doctor's eyes went wide. "What, you think I can't tell you're about to regenerate? If this is your last gift to me, I'd much rather you kill me than set me up with someone at a bar or something."

"I don't want killing you to be the last thing I do," the Doctor whispered. Jack smiled softly.

"The last thing you do will be an act of mercy." The Doctor's eyes glistened with tears, but he nodded.

"Stand over there," he said softly, indicating a specific spot. Jack remembered the Slitheen standing in the same spot when she opened the Heart of the TARDIS, back so many lifetimes ago when he was traveling with the Doctor and Rose and ridiculously carefree.

Jack stepped into the spot. "Doctor?" he asked. The Doctor looked over at him. "Could you, um, make sure Gwen finds out?" All of the other members of Torchwood were dead, but Jack wanted Gwen to know what happened. The Doctor nodded.

"Are you ready?"

"Yes."

The Doctor placed his hand gently on the TARDIS and whispered something in a language Jack didn't understand. Then a crank started moving by itself and the Heart of the TARDIS opened.

Golden light bathed Jack, and a song echoed in his mind. _Let me die,_ he thought, hoping the TARDIS would understand. _Please, just let me die and not come back._ Something tugged behind Jack's ribs. He opened his mouth and a golden escaped, flowing out and mingling with the light all around him. With a smile on his face, Jack's heart stopped and he dropped to the ground.

Limbo was a familiar place, but hopefully, this would be the last time Jack would ever have to see it. Ianto raced over immediately upon seeing him arrive.

"Ianto," Jack whispered. "I'm dead."

"I know," Ianto replied, sounding confused. Jack shook his head.

"No. The Doctor helped me, and I think I'm really dead. No coming back this time." Ianto's eyes went wide.

"How?"

"I was made immortal by the Heart of the TARDIS. The Doctor thought maybe that could reverse it too. And I think it did. I think a bit of the TARDIS's energy had gotten stuck in me, but it came out." The reality of it hit Jack. "I'm dead."

"I'm sorry," Ianto whispered. Jack shook his head.

"Don't be! This is what I wanted." Jack let out a slightly hysterical laugh. "I'm finally dead!"

"Can you move on this time?" Ianto asked. Jack shrugged.

"I think so," he replied. "I mean, I've been here for a while now. Normally, I would have been brought back to life by now."

"Should we go, then?" Ianto asked, offering Jack his hand. Jack frowned.

"But what is it doesn't work? I'll be brought back to life again."

"Let's try it. Together," Ianto replied with a smile. "It'll be an adventure."

Jack smiled and took Ianto's hand.

They took a step forward.


End file.
